Monday, October 30, 2006

Delete

I admit, I've done it. I've deleted someone from my life. I cut them out: deleted their folder from my email inbox, deleted their number from my cell phone, thrown out (most of) the memory box, blocked them from my blog and flickr and all of that, stopped speaking their name. Once I even changed my cell phone number so that they couldn't call me. Yes, I did it... not often, but more than once. Because they were hurting me, or because I couldn't go on loving them, or because they asked me to... in one case, all three reasons.

But I don't think I really knew how it felt to be "deleted." Sure, there was that one time that someone took me off their blog link-list, but I didn't really think they were truly deleting me- just giving the appearance of it. But now... now I think I am truly being deleted. Someone is trying to make it as if I had never been a part of their life. They are erasing all connection to me, cutting all the things that would bind us in any way to each other, pretending I had never been there.

I see it, and it hurts. I don't know why they would have to do that. I don't see how that will help anything or change anything. More than the sheer futility of actions that are deleting me from this person's life, it is the curiosity... the wonder... the questions it provokes in me that hurt. I deleted people because they were hurting me or because I had to make myself stop caring for them. Deleteting them seemed to be the only option I had to prevent them from continuing to hurt me in the future... But I don't see how I could have hurt this person; I don't think I really ever did hurt this person, primarily because I don't know if they ever really cared enough to allow me to be in the position of hurting them. So, if it is not to avoid hurt, why would they delete me?

Sheer spite?

Or because they perceive me as some sort of threat?

Or because they somehow have something to gain by trying to make it appear that I was never a part of their life?

Somehow, I think it is option 3. I have no assurances of this, just suspicions, rooted in a knowledge of this person and the way they act and a few hints of their recent behavior. And so be it- if they think they are going to somehow gain something by deleting me from their life, well, there is not much I can do about that, and fighting it certainly won't improve the situation. But I question how far this will go... how dishonest or vaguely truthful will this person have to be to delete me from their life? Are they willing to do that? I don't know. A few months ago I would have shouted "NO! They most certainly would not!" But now I don't know.

And anyway, speculating about someone else's actions and why they are acting a given way towards me will get me nowhere fast. That is one thing I learned in counseling, if nothing else. I have no control over how or why anyone else thinks... or their actions that result from their (sometimes faulty) thinking. So continuing this line of thought is useless.

But nonetheless, being deleted... it's not fun. It hurts. And it makes me sad that someone would want to delete me. I can understand wanting to be rid of the bad stuff, but to also get rid of the good? I guess I wish that there was enough good stuff that it would outweigh the bad and that instead of being deleted, I could just be cut-and-pasted into a different area. But that seems not to be the case. To this person, I am not worth a cut-and-paste. It makes me sad to know that someone I care about thinks that I am only a [delete]

Grace and Joy

Today we had a really good sermon about living in the fullness of Christ: we were created to be filled to overflowing, but because of sin, we now lead empty lives. The good news is that in Christ we can be filled- we can live the way we were created to live! YEA!

One of the things that was discussed extensively was that this filling is an act of grace on God's part... we are filled with his grace, by his grace. Charis- that is what that word is all about- the overflowing grace we have in Christ. That is what my name means, and that is what I hope I am able to show to others as an outpouring of the measure of grace that has been given to me.

But wait- there's more!

Charah- the experience of living in that grace... living out that grace... the joyful life we live because of God's grace. It's not just about that measure of grace that has been given to us- it's about what we do with it!

Charis and Charah are the Greek words for grace and joy. They come from the root word Char which is talking about life... these words are about the way we live our life- the way we experience life- the way we get the energy for life, and the way that energy flows out of us.

I want to go beyond Charis. I want Charah.

(But I still love my name, and I love baby Charis, too!)

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Investment

Home-made soy chai lattes.

Rain and wind beating on the roof.

Listening. Sharing. Knowing. Understanding.

Feeling my brow crease as I express my concern. Feeling my muscles ache as my cheeks stretch into a rarely-used wide smile.

The room is silent until my lungs, aching for air, take a gasping breath; I collapse again into the shaking of ferocious laughter.

Reading our favorite passages aloud; sharing the deep-held beliefs that guide us. Breaking in my new Bible.

Watching the hands of the clock drifter further and further into the early morning, and knowing that when I wake up tomorrow, though I am tired, I will not regret this time.

Knowing you are my friend.

Not Quite Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

I am alive.

I am well.

I am tired.

I am getting my bedroom furniture delivered on Thursday.

I am going shopping.

I am going to post soon.

I am loving and missing you!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Mother Knows Best

You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.

Matthew 5:43-48 (The Message)

Thursday, October 19, 2006

93 Words

Many months ago I created a gmail account... I was considering switching over from my yahoo for lots of reasons, but decided not to, mostly because I was too lazy to think about having to constantly be checking 2 mailboxes.

Anyway, I have been toying with the idea again, knowing how easy things are to find and file and keep organized when you use gmail. So I popped over and checked my account for the first time since I created it.

I had 109 spam emails (from an email address that has NEVER been given out or even really used.)

There were 10 emails in my inbox. I almost deleted them without even checking who they were from, because no one even knew about that account... except the person who sent me the invitation to gmail.

And that is who the message in the bottom of my inbox was from.

And when I read it, it hurt so much. I took my breath away and made my stomach fall deep into my gut then fly up until it was pressing so hard against my heart that it hurt to breathe- it hurt to feel my heart beating. I thought I would be sick, and for a moment, the world went black.

It was short and sweet and to the point... 93 words that stabbed my heart with each syllable. The frankness and the air of honesty were like a brisk wind that holds your breath hostage. But it was the last 4 words that made me cry. The 89 preceding it now throb in my heart with each beat, but it is those last 4 words, so full of hope and loneliness and sweetness... they are the tears that have formed the puddle before my keyboard.

How I wish they were true, but I know they are not.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Broken Promises

I promised myself I wouldn't let it bother me anymore.

I wasn't going to get upset when someone who *said* they were my friend actually *did* something quite mean and hurtful, probably intentionally.

I wasn't going to get upset when I discovered them caught in what is tantamount to a lie.

I wasn't going to allow them to affect my life... to hurt me... to make me feel rejected and unworthy of being loved.

But I broke that promise. And they did hurt me. And they do hurt me. But at least this time, they don't know how much I hurt. And they won't know... not until I figure out what to do... maybe not ever.

I mean, what do you do? What do you say to someone who is supposed to be your friend, but is going around being hurtful and deceptive? Do you even bother to say anything? Sometimes we hurt our friends, that can't be avoided. But I do expect my friends to be honest with me. And I guess I expect that if you don't want to be my friend, you will be honest about that, too. If you think I am mean or ill-intentioned, I guess I would expect that you would either A) not want or claim to be my friend or B) call me on it. Being that I was neither mean or ill-intentioned in anything towards this person, I am shocked by their behavior. I did expect more of them, and the disappointment in their behavior is crushing, but does not even compare to the incredible hurt.

And what can I do about it? Seriously, I need to know what you think. At this point, I guess I am inclined to "turn the other cheek," or more accurately, ignore it and hope it will stop. I don't want to bring it up for a few reasons, one of which is I don't think the other person is going to be receptive to what I have to say since I have tried in a very mild and non-threatening way to bring it up in the past and they shut me down. Another thing is that being that this person has already hurt me quite a bit by their recent behavior, I don't want to give them any power to hurt me any more than they already have; I don't want to show them my weakness and my hurt because I am afraid they might take advantage of it. Another reason is that I just don't know if it is worth it. I thought I wanted this person in my life as a friend, but if this is who they really are, I am not so sure.

Even if I take the situation at best... even if I assume that they did not intend to hurt me by what they did... they are still choosing not to be honest with me, even when I tested the water in a mild way to try to get them to at least give me a bit of the truth. Unintentional hurt I can excuse. Intentional dishonesty... not so much.

So I guess I do nothing?

Feeling it.

I have started my 8th week of orientation. I am now on an ortho (bones) floor instead of post-surgical/guts/brains floor.

I feel like a nurse.

I still have tons of questions. There are still procedures and devices that I can't pronounce let alone know what they are or what they mean or what they do. I still don't know standard protocols for half (or more) of the stuff that I will need to do once I finish my orientation. And I have to look up a good portion of the medications that I give because I have never even heard of them.

But I feel like a nurse.

A lot of the things I don't know are things that you learn by pure repetition. There is no "deep" knowledge in them- no complicated theory behind them. I just need the chance to get familiar with them and do them enough that I feel comfortable.

I feel like a nurse because the things I do know are the "hard" things. They are the theory things. They are the critical thinking things. And I certainly don't know all of these things about all of the areas I have been working in, but I know enough that today I made two separate decisions that really improved the quality of care of my patients (and helped eliminate possible negative side effects/complications.) I know enough that I was able to suggest treatment to one of the doctors. I know enough that I can really start enjoying being a nurse.

At least, that is how I feel this week. We'll see about next week:)

Also, I just want you to know that water in my kitchen sink normally drains in a clockwise direction. But if I run the garbage disposal, it drains in a counter-clockwise direction. Which means that if I am draining a large amount of water and run the disposal for a bit at first then switch it off, the water gets all confused and makes a funny burping sound. That is all.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

65

When I woke up this morning, the thermostat read 65 degrees. That's a bit on the cool side for me, so I set the thermometer to 70 and turned on the heat...

Which is now blowing cold air into my house.

Update: after working on the heating unit for 2 hours, the maintenance men finally got it working. It is now 70. :)

Friday, October 13, 2006

Abigail Update

Now Entering Cold and Flu Season

October 1 is the "official" start of the cold and flu season. Accordingly, I thought it would be a good idea for all of us to agree to use the same set of rules when communicating about any illness we may have.

When nurses get tired...

This is an email I just got from my sister:


I have a funny nursing thing.
I just counted with my fingers what military time it would be 15 hours after midnight.
DUH!
Faith :)

A question of regret.

Regret: To feel sorry about some past thing, wishing it had not happened, but something else instead.

Here is my question: if we trust in the sovereignty of God's plan, can we truly have regrets? I mean, yes, we can regret sin in our lives: things we thought, said, or did that were clearly sin or ended up hurting others. Absolutely, as Christians, we regret those things- it is part of what leads us to repent.

But what about things that aren't "sin" per se? What about choices we make that weren't a choice of doing something God was clearly instructing us to do (or not do) vs. not doing it? If we truly believe that God is there working all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Rom. 8:28), can we look back at choices we have made and regret them if we truly believe that they are just another page in God's unfolding plan of our life and calling?

I don't know. I would love to hear what you think.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Getting the digits!

So, I have discovered the best pick-up line ever. So far I have gotten a few phone numbers out of it, one invite to dinner, and even one person who, though older and taken, did ask me to meet his son. I am willing to share this pick-up line with you, but be aware; it may only work for nurses. I am not exactly sure why it works, but I think the most important thing is that you have to be sincere in your delivery. Here goes:

I've really enjoyed taking care of you; thanks for letting me be your nurse. I wish you all the best in your recovery!
Like I said, not sure why it works. But I tell you, it gets you the digits like crazy! People are giving me their numbers right and left (and their KFC chicken that their family brings in- yum!) Too bad all the people who I give that line to are my patients which tend to be older, married, or female (or all three.) Oh well:)

Monday, October 09, 2006

Tired at work.

I have been working all sorts of crazy hours that all work out to mean not getting a lot of rest. I have been tired at work, but thankfully, tonight was an easy night. I had my hands full, but it was under control.

Speaking of having your hands full...

Brandi, Abigail's babysitter, is one busy lady. She was pretty busy just keeping up with Olivia, her daughter who is almost 2. Now she has taken on the responsibility of raising her nephew as well, so she has a 22 month old and an 18 month old. Add Abigail, sugar, and shake for complete chaos (actually, it's not that bad. Abigail does help a lot- you know there are few things she enjoys more than bossing people around, and the babies are perfect for bossing!) On top of all of this, the babies haven't been sleeping very well, and I have been picking Abigail up around 12:05am, so Brandi has been short of sleep herself.

I thought she was holding up very well. Until I got this message:

"Hi Grace, it's Brandi. Just wanted to let you know that Abigail seems to have had a really good night. I gave her a bath and she went down around 9:00. We took the kids to the park this afternoon and then we went to Target and out for dinner. Boy, Abigail loves to shop. Anyway, sorry I missed your call earlier. I was trying to get the kids to sleep and they were both crying, and the phone was dead when I answered it anyway, so sorry about that. Anyway, I'll see you when you get here tonight. Love you. Bye."

Yep. Not many babysitters end their calls with "love you, bye" unless they are really in need of some shut-eye!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

October 8, 2005

What were you doing a year ago?

For those of you who have been around long enough, you will realize the significance when I say that a year ago, I was hosting the Oktoberfest at my house... (and hitting WA the following day for my 5-year high school reunion.)

When I look back over the past year, I am amazed. Thank God for his grace that overflows to us daily; thank God that his mercies are new every morning! Thank God that he is always there, even when we can't see it, working all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

DUI*

Out of nowhere, the lights flashed on behind me. I was already in the process of pulling over, but those lights made me stop short of actually lining up with the curb and making my parking job look pretty.

Crap. What did I do? I blew a stop sign yesterday, but I thought I was driving pretty well tonight... apart from getting a tad lost on the way to the babysitter's house. I had managed to get un-lost and make it to her house at exactly midnight, thinking I would be on-time to pick Abigail up. Until now.

I turned on the interior light of my car and began fishing in my purse for my driver's license while also reaching in for my proof of insurance. Both in hand, I rolled down the window to the brisk night air. The officer approached my window and flashed the light into my eyes. I tried not to look repulsed by the bright light... or guilty.

He stared at me for a moment. Of all the times to be wearing stupid hospital scrubs... not much hope of getting out of this one based on the "I'm cute and hot" excuse. Then he spoke.

"Are you lost?"

"Well (big smile), I was until just now! I just found the babysitter's house- that's why I was pulling over."

"Oh, that's what I figured. I mean, you were either lost or drunk; you know you've been swerving all over the place."

"Oh, I'm sorry (sheepish grin.) I just got off work at the Med Center, and I got a bit lost on my way to pick up my daughter..."

"Okay. Well, you look tired, and I can see that you aren't drunk. Will you be able to find your way home?"

"Yes officer (confident smile.) I know my way home better than I know my way here! Next time I won't try any new ways to get here unless it's during daylight hours. Thanks!"

"Okay. You have a good night now, ma'am."

Wow. That was the first time I have ever been approached for the possibility of DUI! And hopefully the last!


*DUI= Driving Under the Influence or Driving not Unlike an Idiot

Specs or spectacle?

Okay. So, I went to the optometrist yesterday. Whoohoo, right?

Well, normally I wouldn't be all that excited, except while there I started looking at glasses since my prescription did change a bit (since I got my glasses almost 7 years ago.)

Anyway, so I am looking at glasses, and you know how the ladies are that help you pick out glasses. You try on 50 billion different kinds of frames, and they all weigh in with their "eh," or "oh, that's nice," or their "maybe try a different pair on, honey." Well, since I was the only person looking at glasses, I had about 3 of these women giving me their opinion. I thought I had found a pair that everyone (including me) liked, when the one said "well, just try on these for comparison." She handed me a pair of kate spade reddish/wineish plastic glasses that were kind of rectangular shaped. I put them on, and immediately each of the women gasped.

They loved them, and so did I.

So I think I might be getting red plastic glasses.

Is that going to be too "Sally Jesse Raphael?"

Friday, October 06, 2006

Zoloft, 50mg, p.o. q am for depression and anxiety.

I read the following on Dooce, a "mommy blog":

"Sometimes I worry that the most vivid memory you are going to have of me from this time is the scowl on my face. Often I am ashamed that I am not the mother I thought I was going to be.

I have become depressed again. Almost as depressed as I was two years ago when I had to check myself into the hospital, and it has everything to do with stress, recent stress that has threatened to change and devastate our lives. I have often described depression as the complete inability to cope with stress, and although I think my own depression is manageable with medication — medication that I am still taking every day — it tends to flare up in a debilitating way when I’m thrust into very stressful situations. I keep trying to claw my way up out of this, but for the last month I have found it almost impossible to make it through the day without putting my face into a pillow and screaming until I cannot sense the world around me.

You deserve better than this, better than the look of absolute desperation I carry in my eyes all day long. I should be more playful, should sing more songs, color more pictures, but I’m sometimes afraid that if I attempt any of these things you will see through it and know that I am lying. Right now I can’t see the world in anything but shades of very pale gray. I had hoped that I would never find myself this low again — I would not wish this crushing emptiness on my worst enemy — but now that I am here I’m not quite sure what to do this time, except trust that you and your father will stick by me, will be here when I do feel better."

I cry because Abigail deserves a better mom. She deserves a mom who can handle life- who can enrich her life- who can be a role model for her- who can have a heart full of genuine joy. I cry because I know what that depression feels like; I know how lonely it is and how much it hurts. And I cry because I fear that is where I am headed. I don't want that. I am fighting against that grayness with everything I have, and with a lot I don't have. But I see it happening. I see myself crying over commercials. I feel my eyes well over passing thoughts. I feel the stress in my neck and my back and the back of my throat and my stomach every time I try to swallow.

Like Dooce, I am good at appearing happy. I am good at making other people laugh. I am good at hiding the hurting and confusion and anger. I am good at flying under the "concern radar." But I am choosing to tell you because I feel it getting more and more real every day, and I don't want to end up where I was last November... or where I was in the 8 months following Abigail's birth. I am scared that is where I will end up, so tomorrow I will fill my prescription.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Excuse me while I ramble

Today my maintenance man came over to change Abigail's shower head for me. I ended up talking to him for half of forever and also discovered where the lint trap of my dryer is located. Also, I can buzz people in- to my house! Okay, so my apartment is kind of like a townhouse or coach house in that it has it's own private entrance. As soon as you walk in, you go up a flight of stairs to get to the main part of the apartment. At the top of the stairs I have a buzzer to buzz people in, even if the door is locked (it's a regular lock.) I don't know if this sounds cool to you, but it is to me!

Yesterday I had my first code blue. I was at the bedside of a patient when he just randomly and unexpectedly stopped breathing. I got help, then had to excuse myself because I was about to loose it. I cried for almost 8 minutes before I could get a grip and return to helping. That is an abridged version of everything that happened, but all I can say is that it certainly was not how I expected to feel during my first code. I remember as a student thinking that it would be so cool to be a part of a code because it would be such a good learning opportunity, but the truth is I was scared, very scared... and I felt unprepared and completely lacking in terms of the knowledge of what to do. Thank God I am taking a trauma class and a code management class soon!

Yeah, so the nurses at my hospital are part of a union- I am part of a union. I have to thank those who negotiated our last contract, because it turns out they negotiated a very nice hourly rate for float pool nurses. As of April, 2007, if I stay in the float pool, I will be making just shy of DOUBLE what I am currently making now. Even before April, I will still be making some nice money. This is really good news since I have recently started realizing just how much I will be spending on childcare if I have to continue to work evenings and nights. It is also nice because I will be able to cut back to a .9 instead of a 1 (essentially that means I will be able to work three twelve hour days and have 4 days off in a week), still make a nice income, and have more time with Abigail, and more time to commit to school. SWEET!

Still continuing to smell Cheez-it smells more than chocolate smells, although the other day Abigail and I walked in "downtown" Hershey, right next to the factory, and it did smell like real chocolate then. By the way, pictures should be coming- as soon as I get a card reader thing- don't know where mine is:(

I don't know how much you all have heard about the shootings in Lancaster county on Monday. It is shocking that such a thing would happen here, and as the major trauma hospital in the area, our hospital took several of the victims. It has been difficult on everyone in the hospital, knowing that the victims were all little girls, having to take part in the "Disaster Plan" making it feel more real, having everyone who knows I work at the hospital ask how the little girls were doing. But in a lot of ways, it is comforting, too. It is comforting to know that a school shooting is shocking in this area. It is comforting to know that it is culturally correct to say you are praying for the victims and their families. It is comforting to read that those victimized are already offering forgiveness and grace to the family of the shooter (he killed himself after shooting the girls.) It is comforting to be in a place where it is okay to talk about God being near, bringing comfort and peace, leading you to forgive in the face of insult and injury.

Tonight I was driving back from my Walmart run (my Target opens on the 8th, and it will only be about 15 minutes away as opposed to the next nearest Target which is about 25 minutes away. YEA!) I was headed East on 322 from Harrisburg into Hershey. It was dusk, and the air was heavy with humidity. As I topped the first of the foothills, I looked out and saw the foothills and mountains that lay just South of Hershey, just south of my hospital which is nestled right in the base of the foothills. "My mountains are wrapped in a blanket of haze," I thought to myself. And then I smiled, realizing I had referred to them as "my" mountains. Don't look now, but I think that might have been a root that I just put down.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Casting My Love Spell*

Yesterday I had to do some shopping at Vicky's for a friend's upcoming birthday. While there, I decided to pick something out for myself. Feeling a little wild, a little crazy, a little... dangerous, I decided to branch out and try something new, something purple!

So I bought some Love Spell. And some Pure Seduction (which is pink, but a different shade of pink than I would normally get.) After years and years (probably about 6.5 years because the current obsession started right after high school) I have been a Sweet Temptations girl. Occasionally a Pear Glace thrown in just to mix it up a bit, but primarily ST. I have the body wash, the body lotion, the luxurious hand and body creme, and the body splash as well as the miniatures of these and several small bottles of perfume. So this was a big deal, changing my scent.

Just to make sure I wouldn't chicken out and not actually use the two new scents that I picked up, I made myself wear the Love Spell yesterday to work. And while no one really noticed that I smelled any different (how can they know that you smell different than you normally smell when they have not met you before and don't know what your "normal" is) I personally enjoyed my new scent. So much so that today I am going to wear the Pure Seduction.

Man, with names like that you would think there is a whole lot more going on in my life than there actually is... :)

*Yes, this blog seems a little silly, nonsensical, and irrelevant, but I could not resist the chance to title a blog "Casting My Love Spell." I mean, opportunities like this do not come along every day, so I thought I would grab this chance and run with it. Too bad my running turned out to be more like jogging... in place... to really bad 80s music. But whatever works, right?

Monday, October 02, 2006

Goings-on or Going-ons?

So, I have a new favorite thing. Can you guess it? I bet you can't... Heehee!

Okay, I will just tell you. I love Ambien. Last week when I was at the doctor I asked for a prescription for it since a) I haven't been sleeping that well to begin, and b) I am starting to work off-shifts (evenings, nights, strange shifts that are a mix of evenings and nights (eveights?) that go from 3pm to 3am, etc) and I know my body just needs extra help to sleep those strange hours. So he gave me the script, and I got it filled (a very expensive medication, by the way.) And I tried it last night...

I am loving it.

I only took half of the prescribed dose because I was worried that if I fell too-asleep I wouldn't be coherent if Abigail needed me and also because I wanted to make sure I didn't have a sleep-hangover this morning. I fell asleep right away, and stayed asleep until my alarm went off, then I was able to just bounce out of bed (with just a touch of orthostatic hypotension, for those who care, but that resolved quickly). YEA! That was my first really restful, uninterrupted sleep in weeks- maybe months! I don't want to make Ambien a new habit, but it's nice to know it is there if I need it:)

Unrelatedly, I thought I lost my keys today. And yesterday. And the day before that. But I didn't. After giving Todd his house keys/alarm thing/car keys back on Saturday, my keys officially shrank to the smallest they have ever been since I started driving. I only have two measly keys on there- my house and my car. I suppose I could put the "Illinois" keys back on there, but that seems kind of silly to carry those around when there is no hope of me ever using them out here. So just my two lonely keys. That's it. And boy, being that small, they sure are easy to misplace!

I switch to the 4th floor today, returning to my "medicine" background and leaving the 5th floor- post surgical. I am excited but nervous at the same time. I also now officially switch to off-shifts from now until probably the end of my orientation. Not so cool, but what can I do?

7 weeks until Mandy arrives! The rest of you should get your act together and come visit me here, too!
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