Really, who requests that someone make up a story about or involving peanut butter? Weirdo. But, I'm a pleaser, so I find myself doing just that.
You've heard of the Stinky Cheese Man, right? Well, if you haven't heard of him, I'm sure you've heard of the Gingerbread Man. But have you heard of the Peanut Butter Man?
No. And I'll tell you why.
"Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the Peanut Butter Man!" It doesn't work. Because peanut butter is sticky. The Peanut Butter man cannot run away. He gets stuck.
As a matter of fact, there once was a boy named Peanut Butter. His mother was Peanut and his father was Oil. His older sister was, of course, Peanut Oil. But he was just plain Peanut Butter. Nothing exciting or exotic about him.
One day he wanted to have a fabulous adventure, so he decided to go cliff diving. He got a group of friends together and went up to a really high cliff. They decided they would throw themselves off the edge at the same time. "One, two, three!" they yelled, and dived off the edge of the cliff. All except Peanut Butter. He couldn't get his feet to leave the ground! When his friends saw that he hadn't made the jump, they all laughed and called him a chicken. (Which doesn't make any sense; he is peanut butter, goofballs.)
Ashamed and unable to live down his embarrassment, Peanut Butter decided to run away. He packed a little bag and set out late one night. He walked for miles and miles. When the sun rose, he found a shady knoll and laid down to rest, his pack under his head. At moonrise, he awoke, hungry and sticky from his travels, picked up his pack and journeyed on.
Before long, Peanut Butter was in an unfamiliar land, made more curious by the tricky light of the moon. As he walked the narrow path, he heard a sound off to his left. He ducked behind a bush until he saw a couple of boys, arguing.
"What do you mean, you forgot it?" the first one asked.
"I don't know, I just did!" the second retorted.
"What are we supposed to do now?"
"Well, make due with what we have, I guess. Might be kind of strange, but it's better than nothing."
"I guess. I wish we had peanut butter!"
Peanut Butter was shocked by the boy's exclamation. "Why do they want me?" he thought to himself.
"Well, peanut butter would really save the day." Peanut Butter gasped as he heard the reply of the second boy.
The boys looked at each other. "What was that? Did you hear that?"
Knowing he had blown his cover, Peanut Butter stepped out from behind the bush. "Maybe I can help these boys," he thought. "Maybe they will be my friends."
As he stepped into the light created by the boys' campfire, Peanut Butter noticed their small tent and a messy pile that contained fishing poles and tackle boxes. Hanging from some low branches he saw two sets of clothing dripping dry. Taking all of this in, he missed the look of astonishment followed by delight that crossed the faces of the boys. He missed the way they glanced at each other, raised their eyebrows, and smiled a smug smile.
He turned towards them. "Um, hello. I couldn't help but overhear that you wished I, that is to say, Peanut Butter, was here."
"Is that your name? Are you Peanut Butter?" the first boy asked.
Peanut Butter grinned and blushed. "That's me. I mean, I'm him."
"Excellent!" "Cool!" "This is perfect timing!"
Calming, the second boy invited Peanut Butter to sit on a large wool blanket. Peanut Butter was just getting comfortable as he saw the second boy pull two objects out of the box near a makeshift table. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Peanut Butter saw something silver glint in the firelight.
He turned to face the first boy. Immediately he noticed the knife in his hand. Deciding that this was not at all safe, Peanut Butter decided to make a run for it. He attempted to jump to his feet, but he couldn't! He was stuck on the wool blanket!
The second boy laid the bread and jelly on the table. "You ready?" he asked the first boy.
"You bet! I want me some PBJ!" replied the first, and together they tackled Peanut Butter.
So, the moral of the story is this: Peanut Butter and wool: don't mix 'em! You will probably find yourself in a sticky situation!
Okay, people, I know it was lame. That's why I wrote story #2.
Prudence sighed. She had a gut feeling about the picnic later today. Deep down she knew Tam was going to try... something. He was going to do... something. He was going to say... something. She didn't know what, but she knew it was coming. With a sinking feeling, she remembered that it was the anniversary of their first date, a month ago.
He kept hinting to her about how special he wanted the picnic to be. She knew he was a romantic and that he would be the kind of guy who would remember, and celebrate, things like anniversaries. She thought back to their conversation a few days back "well, if you bring the food, I'll bring the ambiance," he had said.
Seriously, he had said ambiance. What kind of guy talks about ambiance when planning a picnic? Well, the kind of guy that plans it on the beach at sunset. The kind of guy who talked about her perfections for minutes on end. The kind of guy who admitted that he had "trialed" his plan for their first date by doing all of the activities with a friend, just to make sure that nothing would go wrong... that everything would be perfect.
Sure, she like him. It was very pleasant know that her happiness was the focus of his time and energy. It was a wonderful compliment to see the great lengths he would go to in effort to ensure her pleasure. She knew he liked her a lot.
But still, she was undecided. It seemed like a little too much, too soon. Sometimes it was just over the top. And sometimes, she just felt smothered. She wasn't sure if she would continue to date him, but if he pushed her at all tonight, she was sure it she would end it. She just needed more time to decide how she felt.
One month, she though. We've been dating for one month. And he hasn't even kissed me.
With a blush, she realized what the night was going to hold. And with a grin, she knew what she was going to do. She walked into her kitchen to make their picnic dinner.
When she met him on the beach later that night, she wasn't surprised to see the blanket and the candles. The soft music seemed only natural. The hint of lilies in the air made sense when he presented her with a lovely bouquet. He took the basket from her and set it on the blanket. Before she could sit down, he whisked her into his arms, twirling her and dipping her back in time to the music. His skin was golden in the glowing sunset, and his arms felt strong and secure around her. For a minute, she felt it. For a moment, she was swept away.
And then the wind whipped her hair into her face, and she tasted the salty ocean spray on her lips. The moment was gone, and she remembered. It had been too perfect. He was trying too hard.
He moved to pull her into his arms again, but she quickly settled onto the blanket. "Let's eat," she said. "I'm so hungry!"
He complied and sat down next to her. "Prudence," he began, his tone soft and sweet.
"I made everything special for tonight," she interrupted. "I hope you eat it all."
"Anything you made will be wonderful, I'm sure!" She smiled and began unloading the basket. "Everything looks delicious!" She smiled demurely.
"Prudence," he began again, "I've really enjoyed the time we have spent together."
"Here, try this!" she said, sticking a home-made taffy into his mouth.
"Mmm." He chewed... and chewed... and chewed. Finally he cleared his throat and started again. "I think you are really wonderful."
"Try my grammy's popcorn balls! She made them just for us!" she said, handing him the treat.
"Oh, I'm sure this will be great... after dinner." She flashed him a disappointed look, and guiltily he took a big bite.
"And I made one of my all-time favorites for the main course!" she said, smiling.
He licked his lips. "What I really want to say is that I think there is something very special between us." He lifted his hand to brush the hair from her face. As he leaned towards her, she knew she was running out of time.
"Please try this, it's been my favorite since I was a child!" she insisted.
With a mild look of annoyance, he took a bite of the sandwich. As he chewed, she could see that he had finally given up his plan. Between the taffy, the popcorn ball, and the peanut butter and raisin sandwich, there was no way he was going to try to kiss her tonight. It just wouldn't be right, not with everything he had stuck in his teeth! Her dinner was one thing she was sure he hadn't considered when he planned out this perfectly romantic night.
She smiled, and took a big bit of her sandwich. Saved for one more night.
Alright, maybe that was lame, too. But I tried. I'd like to see you do better... with peanut butter as your subject. Seriously. I'd really like to see you do better. Write a peanut butter story on your blog, and leave a link in the comments! I promise I'll read it!