Thursday, July 26, 2007

Bigger, but not better.

Let's face it: I know the reason most people read my blog is so that they might get to hear more about my girly-parts. I mean, I love to talk about boobs, and my cervix is practically a lead character in this drama. And seeing as how it's been a good 25 days since I last updated you, I figured you were probably turning blue from the breath-holding. So, to keep you from actually passing out, I'm just going to give you what I know you want. Yeah, you want it.

Anyway, so, when we last left of the saga of my cervix, I told you I was getting another colposcopy and we would go from there. During this colposcopy, the doctor actually made me look at my own cervix on the big television screen. It was so gross. I mean, the cervix wasn't gross or anything, but coming from someone who cannot watch myself get a shot and chose NOT to look at her own baby as it was being born (PUT AWAY THAT MIRROR, NURSE!!!!!), I really got quite squeamish as Dr. P was all "see, this part looks concerning..." Ugh. My tummy felt funny, and I really thought it would be a very horrible situation if I had to throw up. How would one do that? But I digress.

A few cervical and vaginal biopsies later, I went home. And waited for the call. Which came Tuesday night, right as we were sitting down to dinner.

Now, I really believe that this doctor is a good doctor, and maybe I read too much into things, but I sometimes find the way he starts conversations a little disconcerting. He begins by explaining that the biopsies showed more cervical dysplasia. It was concerning to him, because after the first colposcopy and the LEEP, all the abnormal cells should have been gone, but they came back, and they were in different places than before. Then he drops the bomb...

Dr. P: So, Ms. Kirk, you have one child, is that correct?

Grace: Yes.

Dr. P: And have you thought about if you would want to have more children?

Grace: Well, yes. I would like to expand my family, but... I don't know. I don't necessarily feel the need to give birth to more children. I am certainly open to adoption.

Dr. P: Good. Well, you see, what I would like to do is have you come in and laser the cells off the cervix.

Grace: Laser?

Dr. P: Yes, laser, just like they would to remove abnormal skin cells and such. But don't worry. It's done in surgery and you would be completely under. But the risk, of course, includes damage to surrounding areas, infection, very low risk of bleeding, and of course, and increase risk that you would not be able to maintain pregnancy.

So there you have it, folks. My doctor wants to laser my cervix. And afterwards, I have a very good probability that I will not be able to maintain pregnancy (meaning, I could conceive, but I would be likely to suffer cervical incompetence which would result in miscarriage.)

And of course, I am going to get it done. Making sure I am free of cervical cancer is very important to me!

Strangely enough, I feel okay with the knowledge that I may never carry another child... I may never carry another child even if I don't have this procedure. What I am freaked out about is that I will be undergoing general anesthesia. I don't mean to freak anyone out, but general anesthesia is scary. I mean, my experience in the OR has been this: they knock you out, shove a tube down your throat, hook you up to a machine to breath for you (you are unable to breath for yourself because of the drugs they use to knock you out) and then the anesthesiologist- the one responsible for making sure you keep breathing and all that- disappears behind the newspaper. So, if that doesn't freak you out, what would? I mean, puking every day for 9 months is something I can quite easily live without, especially when there are such sweet children all around the world in need of a home and love. But putting myself into the hands of someone who thinks the movies that are coming out this weekend are more important than MAKING SURE I AM STILL BREATHING!!!, well, that's just a tad nerve-wreaking.

Anyway, so that is where we are. I will probably find out when the procedure will be scheduled some time in the next few days (Dr. P wanted me to take a few days to "think about" if I wanted to go through with the procedure or not. Dude, is that really a question?)

So there you have it. I am hoping my sister can come stay with me during/after the procedure. It's done in the same-day or outpatient surgery center, but you have to "take it easy" for a few days after. Right. Take it easy with my 4 year old running here, there, and everywhere.

I'll keep you posted.


So, I was just checking some things on my blog, and I looked at my hit counter. I was all "Holy Cow! I've had over 3000 hits since November!"

And then I figured that it wasn't really accurate, because I know at least 50-100 of those are from me checking my own blog to see the results of my polls.

I get the comments emailed directly to me for approval, so I don't have to check the blog for that, but when I put a poll up, I can't wait to see what people think, so I check constantly.

I am such a dork.

What's one of the dorky things you do with your blog?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Tale of the Senators and the Trio.

Our story begins Friday night, last, when three young adventurers set out to seek and observe the infamous Harrisburg Senators.
Our adventurers were:
Abigail "Bat Bogey" Kirk

John "W" Showalter

and Grace "Incognito" Kirk.

The trio set out for the distant land of "City Island" where the Senators were last known to be.

As they drew nearer to City Island, signs of the Senator's presence were hard to miss.

Tired but happy, the trio finally found the spot where they believed the Senators to be.

The clouds were ominously grey, but the traffic was even worse! With delays like this, the trio of adventurers might miss out on seeing the Senators altogether! And what a disappointment that would be, especially for Bat Bogey and W, since they had never witnessed a so-called "baseball game" (a rite of the Senators indicating their professional worth and determining their income.)

The source of the delays were finally found: someone was trying to distract the trio by handing out free loaves of bread, hoping they would eat themselves into a carb-induced coma! But the trio were not that easily fooled. They knew the secret to enjoying the "baseball game" lay partially in eating the right food.

Once they were close, Incognito ensured that Bat Bogey and W were equipped with the right food... Truly, only a true Vienna Beef Hot Dog (that great Chicago favorite) would have been perfect, but the strange meat-blend hot dog that seemed to be popular amongst other fans of the Senators did suffice.

After much anticipation, the trio finally found what they had sought! The Senators dispersed into the field in front of the trio.

Everyone was happy, but happiest of all was Bat Bogey.

So, so, so happy.

And happier still to discover the greatness of the "bleachers." (Specialty seating designed to assist seekers in finding and observing the Senators.)

In fact, Bat Bogey was so happy, that for the first time in her life, she developed "frinkles." (Freckles to those of you who don't speak Bat.)

When the Senators grew tired or wanted to change positions on the field, people would distract the crowd. These two giant Sumo wrestlers battled til the death! (Well, nearly.)

Bat Bogey,always alert, discovered another amusement of the Senators: a squishy baseball.

Soon it became clear that the best way to increase their knowledge of the Senators was to squish the squishy baseball betwixt their heads, thus gaining the wisdom of the Senators by sheer force. So that is what W and Bat Bogey did.

As a reward for their efforts, the greatest of the Senators appeared.

And upon Bat Bogey he did bestow much knowledge and wisdom, the greatest of which was this: Don't waste your money on the funnel cakes- they aren't very good and they will give you heartburn.
And that is the tale of the Senators and the Trio.

Calling Off

I think I might have to call off work tonight. I hate to admit it, but I am sick. I've been fighting it for a few days, but it has gotten the better of me.

Symptoms: Nasal congestion and pressure, ear pain, runny nose, watery eyes, coughing and sneezing, body ache, headache, fever.

Diagnosis: Could be a cold, the flu, or any other viral something-or-other. Doctor John is questioning a Coxsackie virus. Cannot exclude Group A streptococcus.

Plan: Call off work per Doctor John's orders. Rest and keep hydrated. Be aware for signs of advancing infection. Avoid contact with others. Maintain good hand hygiene. If symptoms persist or become troubling, see my family doctor.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Temptation is a Box...

That I can't open until I finish my homework!


Grace: So, if you had the choice of being able to puke on command, poop on command, or bleed on command, which would you choose?

Doctor John: (pause)


(incredulous look)

Being a nurse has warped your mind.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Everybody loves a cowgirl. And from all the Disney princess characters that were at the Disney on Ice show we went to in April, the "princess" that Abigail loved the most was...

Jessie from Toy Story 2

Maybe she is outgrowing the girly-girl stage?

Yeah, I doubt it, too.

I can type, Momma!

A note from Abigail...

sfgfxgsfgsdfsfdsddsgdsdga sgsaxsvdxxcxzCqaGRWQAxzzewqaAa VVBCDFET5REcvfgyrtrgr vbbvbcvbvcvbdvbbfvcbvhfgfrfgfrrtrtghgf fggfhrgrytrtghfdfyertdfyretyrregrefghgdfyrteeeefgd dhfhdgffhgfdhgfbhvchvfyrtghffhfffffffdffhfhgdfhsgdf jdshdshdshdjhsdsd vbhfdfghgdhdgfdhdfdffdhgbvnbhfggfhdhffhgfdgfdhfdtfdhffhdf dfhjfjhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrddghfghdsfdgfdhfgdhfhgfdfffhdfdfghddgfhsggffdghfdfdfgdgf fghdhdhfgdgfdhfdfhdgfhfjdfhhhhhhrtyurtyurte 7456r46rye6dfghdfdhgfhdgfhdfgdfdgd dfdfydfdfhdhdfdhfhdffdffffffffffffffhsdgfddfdffsdgdhfgdhhdfgfdfgfddfhsjdhfdhfhfhfhfhhfgdfhgfhdg

Abigail informs me that this is "something funny... a code message!"

Interpretation (what Abigail says the code message means):

I love the hearts of the God indevelopal your heart looks good and deep and good for us so that we can go to school and help us learn. Are. Are. Are. Love to you God indivisible. I cannot see you God, but when you're in my heart it feels good.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


I think that about sums it up!

Lake Tobias

On Sunday, Abigail, Doctor John, Jen, Jon, and I went to Lake Tobias.

I don't know who had more fun... Abigail or the grown-ups!

We went on a tour of the park. Notice our posh ride. It is a school bus that has had the top cut off. Very bouncy!

These are Emu. I think they look possessed.

This is a Rhea. Not so possessed-looking. Dad is nesting with his babies.

Lots and lots of Rhea babies!

This is an elk. She is very...


Hello Llama. Please don't spit on me!

That's my hand in the middle... feeding a giant elk!

This is a buffalo momma and her baby trying to get onto our bus.

Ginormous antlers!

Elk and deer. Notice my lovely Pennsylvania mountains drenched in haze in the background.

Texas Longhorn. Seriously long horns!

After out "safari", we explored the rest of the park.

Abigail's favorite- Zebras!

Sleepy bear.

Some really strange crowned bird. I touched it's spiky things!

Everyone had fun and there was no major sunburn!

And then we went to Cracker Barrel for dinner. YUM!

Hard Labor

Doctor John: Are you saying I wouldn't be a good father?

Grace: No, I think you would be a good father. I just think you would be a horrible labor coach.

Abigail: I would be a great labor coach, momma!

G: Um, well, you were kind of already there... and not exactly helpful.

A: Well, I could go back and do it all over again!

G: No thanks!


Unfortunately, Doctor John's grandpa is sick and in the hospital. He had a heart attack, and now they are finding that there may be other, complicated, co-morbidities. So, Abigail and I have been praying for Doctor John and his family. Tonight's prayer:

Abigail: Dear God, please help Doctor John's grandpa feel better and be not sick and not have to do sick things and not touch germs.

Also, please help Doctor John and his mom and dad be happy in their hearts and to have their eyes open.


Sunday, July 15, 2007

Summer Days, driftin' away...

Well, I finally got my camera back from the black hole that is Dr. John's car, so maybe you will get some pics of my baby girl soon.

We've been going to the pool on my days off, and we've both seen our freckles coming out. Luckily, with the help of waterproof SPF 5o, we have avoided getting burned. Not so lucky on the bug forefront. I have bites all over my feet, and Abigail has a ginormous bite on the inside of her right wrist. Ah, well...

Did I mention that I saw someone who had been bitten by a tick and had the classic "bulls-eye" rash? Yep. Since this is a fairly rural area and many people are into camping and hunting and being in wooded areas and such... Lyme Disease is fairly popular in this area. But no ticks for us.

Anyway, Abigail has grown about 3 inches and has outgrown basically all the clothes and shoes I had bought before she went to Chicago. She has also gained weight and is now almost impossible to lift... could be contributing to my back-ache, no?

Anyway, I think we are going to head to Lake Tobias today, so I have to get going. Hopefully will have pictures to post soon!

Monday, July 09, 2007

Through the Looking-Glass

Abigial: Let's look out the bird-glass, Momma.

Grace: The what?

A: The hole in the door where you look out to see people.

G: You mean the peephole?

A: Yeah, the peek-hole.

She's HOME!

Yea! Abigail's home! And from what I can tell so far, she isn't completely insane:)

Overwhelmed with happiness as I am, I can't seem to find the words to describe how very much I love my daughter. So I will borrow some words from Heather B. Armstrong:

"Just when I think my love for you couldn’t be any bigger, I wake up and discover that I love you even more, and I worry that my body isn’t big enough to hold this much love. I worry that my insides may explode because there isn’t any more room. I am drunk on my love for you, a sloppy drunk who can’t see straight or speak in coherent sentences, a drunk who giggles every time you fart."

Welcome home, my sweetest girl.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Game Night

So, Friday night we had game night at my house. It was sort of a last minute decision and there were only a few of us, but that worked out well. After eating dinner, we decided to play Clue. Of course, when choosing characters, I was Miss Scarlett, but when Mrs. White was mentioned, I couldn't help but blurt out "Heaving... Heaving Breasts!" in my best Mrs. White voice. (This practice continued every time Mrs. White was played.) (Also, this practice led to the discovery that one of the game-nighters, Sharouz, had not seen the movie version of Clue, which is, of course, one of the funniest movies EVER! This, in turn, led to my declaration of a need to have Clue movie night. This is in the works. I am thinking that it would be so fun to do a murder mystery dinner then watch Clue after... maybe as a progressive dinner since I have recently discovered that I have tons of friends that live within walking distance of me... but I digress.)

Anyway, since I choose Miss Scarlett, I was the first player. We played a round to get into a room, and on the second round, I made my first Accusation. And won.

It was a little anti-climactic.

I won another game, and by the third game, we decided that the board game was much more fun when we were younger... probably because it was more challenging when we were younger.

Anyway, so I kicked the boys butts at game night. Then I went to bed, and they played all sorts of card games- things they played when they were teenagers and stuff. Good times.

So, what is your favorite card game? Bonus points if you link to or write out the rules/instructions!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Morbid Silence

Suture my lips closed, like a corpse;
you don't want to hear me anyway.

My thoughts
written on my glowing face,
to you, are dead.
So pronounce the death.

The last gasp for truth will leave
my lungs empty,
I will turn pale-blue.
There will be no exhale.
ideas lost, words unspoken,
no great loss for you.
Never missing what you never heard.

When I am gone,
And my lips are sutured closed
Know that it was your hand
that make each stitch.

Then, in morbid silence,
hear your last gasp for truth.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

When I feel fat.

Grace: Do you want a pudge-cicle?

Doctor John: Are you saying something about me?

Grace: I meant fudge-cicle!!!

It's Back.


Remember when I told you about this? And then I told you I was done dropping my drawers?

Well, I had my follow-up Pap test on Wednesday, and this morning, I got a call.

First of all, can I just say that it is a little disconcerting to get a call from your doctor on Sunday? From his cell phone. Now, maybe he was rounding at the hospital, saw the results, had a spare minute, and gave me a call. But seriously, how many docs do you know that make clinic calls on a Sunday morning? Doesn't it make it seem more serious that he called me on a Sunday?

Anyway, he said that my Pap still showed abnormal cells. So, on Thursday, July 12, I have to go in and have another colposcopy. And we'll go from there. Maybe the LEEP just didn't get all of the offensive cells (that's what we hope for) or... maybe something else is going on. Hard to say at this point.

The good news is that I am one shot away from finishing my Gardasil series of shots. The doc was glad to hear that I had gone ahead with the vaccination, and when I go in next week I will get the last shot in the series.

So... (climbs onto soapbox.) Ladies, get you vaccine! There is no test for HPV in men, so your partner may unknowingly transmit the disease to you, even if he had a "clean" STD test! And condoms don't necessarily protect against HPV since the virus can live in areas that are not protected by a condom! Or, don't have sex! This is serious business, and keep in mind that over 80% of women will have had an HPV infection by the time they are 50! And you can pass it to your unborn child; who wants to do that? (steps off soapbox.)

Also, relatedly, but not really related, I saw a cervix for the first time on Wednesday when I was in clinical. Not really what I expected it would look like. That's all.

I heart Harry.

Mmm. Harry is getting closer. And I am making my plans to go.

And looking for some company.

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