Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Getting Discouraged

Okay, I haven't written about work in a while, but boy oh boy, it's been a major thorn for me. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed to be in a full-days postition, and hopefully will be moving to every 3rd weekend soon, but...

Well, the attitudes of people I work with are just getting to be overwhelming, and seriously endangering my security in my job. It's not that I don't like my job (although wiping up poop for 12 hours a day is actually not my dream job), it's bearable. I can do it. I only have to be there 3 days a week, after all. But still.

The truth is I was forced into taking a position that I had no interest in taking- I wanted to float because I know myself well enough to know that I am not the kind of personality that can show up and "take it" when it comes to office politics. Floating looked like a good way out of having to deal with all that cattiness. And yes, I was excited about moving into my current position because I thought it would increase my nursing skills. But the truth is, a lot of changes in my hospital have made my current position into a joke. It's very dissatisfying, and the cattiness and bad attitudes of many of my co-workers do nothing to improve the already poor situation that my hosptial has created for my unit.

I need out. And I can't just leave and go to another bedside position. I know what that's like, and it isn't challenging to me, nor does it give me any sense of pride in my work or help me feel like I did something worthwhile in my day. I have no problem working, it's doing a job that doesn't require thought that I have a problem with (in school, we call this "busy work." Do you have any idea how unfulfilling it is to do a job for 12 hours every day that is mostly "busy work"?)

I applied for several different positions, and just now got off the phone with Human Resources. I don't have enough experience for these positions. Not that I as an individual don't have enough experience, but me compared to the more senior nurses applying - that's my problem. And because nurses are union at my hospital, it means that for virtually any position I apply to, if someone more senior that me applys for it- well, it's not likely I will get it, even if I am more qualified (ie- I have way more computer experience than many of the more senior nurses, and I have critical care experience. But they have more YEARS of experience.)

At this point, I don't even want to be a nurse. I pretty much hate my career choice. But I will continue doing it as long as I have to because it allows me to provide for my family. I want out of nursing (hence the non-nursing Master's program I will be applying to...) And I definitly want out of bedside nursing. But it's getting very discouraging.

So pray for me, okay? I need some major job help. And until a new job can be found, I need some serious grace with my co-workers (they could probably get me written up for things I didn't do.) And some major reminders that I need to work with all my heart, as working for the Lord.

Sigh.

2 comments:

Mandy said...

I found your blog several months ago and have enjoyed reading it. My cousins are adopting a sibling set from Ethiopia. I can empathize with you on the job front. You'll be in my prayers!

Eryka said...

You are in my prayers, darlin. I'm incredibly proud of you for sticking with your job and handling all your trials so well. Keep your focus on God and He will guide you the whole way.

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