Okay, I haven't written about work in a while, but boy oh boy, it's been a major thorn for me. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed to be in a full-days postition, and hopefully will be moving to every 3rd weekend soon, but...
Well, the attitudes of people I work with are just getting to be overwhelming, and seriously endangering my security in my job. It's not that I don't like my job (although wiping up poop for 12 hours a day is actually not my dream job), it's bearable. I can do it. I only have to be there 3 days a week, after all. But still.
The truth is I was forced into taking a position that I had no interest in taking- I wanted to float because I know myself well enough to know that I am not the kind of personality that can show up and "take it" when it comes to office politics. Floating looked like a good way out of having to deal with all that cattiness. And yes, I was excited about moving into my current position because I thought it would increase my nursing skills. But the truth is, a lot of changes in my hospital have made my current position into a joke. It's very dissatisfying, and the cattiness and bad attitudes of many of my co-workers do nothing to improve the already poor situation that my hosptial has created for my unit.
I need out. And I can't just leave and go to another bedside position. I know what that's like, and it isn't challenging to me, nor does it give me any sense of pride in my work or help me feel like I did something worthwhile in my day. I have no problem working, it's doing a job that doesn't require thought that I have a problem with (in school, we call this "busy work." Do you have any idea how unfulfilling it is to do a job for 12 hours every day that is mostly "busy work"?)
I applied for several different positions, and just now got off the phone with Human Resources. I don't have enough experience for these positions. Not that I as an individual don't have enough experience, but me compared to the more senior nurses applying - that's my problem. And because nurses are union at my hospital, it means that for virtually any position I apply to, if someone more senior that me applys for it- well, it's not likely I will get it, even if I am more qualified (ie- I have way more computer experience than many of the more senior nurses, and I have critical care experience. But they have more YEARS of experience.)
At this point, I don't even want to be a nurse. I pretty much hate my career choice. But I will continue doing it as long as I have to because it allows me to provide for my family. I want out of nursing (hence the non-nursing Master's program I will be applying to...) And I definitly want out of bedside nursing. But it's getting very discouraging.
So pray for me, okay? I need some major job help. And until a new job can be found, I need some serious grace with my co-workers (they could probably get me written up for things I didn't do.) And some major reminders that I need to work with all my heart, as working for the Lord.