Tuesday, December 02, 2008

A Sensitive Topic

The heartbreaking news that Ethiopia will be limiting single-mom adoptions left me speechless. It was not a surprise that a change was made in policy, but this particular change was not what I was expecting. Single parent adoption is, obviously, something I "believe in." The same way that I "believe in" transracial and transcultural adoption. The same way that I "believe in" not limiting adoption based on gender, religion, race, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation, physical disability, economic status or any other of those "non-discrimination" circumstances that we are legally and morally bound by in the US.

(And yes, I did list sexual orientation there- I didn't miss Becca's post- or the controversy surrounding it. I have lots of thoughts about this that I intend to share once my courses are over for the semester!)

Of course, I respect that the culture of Ethiopia- and their standards and expectations for their children- are different than the US. What option do we have but to accept that they believe single moms to be a "last resort" for their children? It is the way their culture is. They aren't American and they do not hold to the same values and morals (for instance, they also prohibit adoptions by homosexuals and single men based on their cultural norms/values.) It's heartbreaking for the women who are in the process and faced with these delays, but I also feel like there is not much else that can be said or done. It is what it is. I am so sorry for the women who are left waiting, but I am also so happy that the option of single mom adoption from Ethiopia still remains viable.

This is where I am about to (maybe, but I hope not) step on some toes. Most of my readers know that I keep up this little list. Since the list was designed to give Gladney families a picture of what the process/timeline is like for other Gladney-ites, I feel like I should somehow separate out or mark single moms on the list, since their timeline will, obviously, now be different than married couples. Should I make a "Couples Waiting" and "Singles Waiting" page? It is my understanding that once a referral is given, the process is still the same, so from referral on (and even in the paperchase stage) there is really no reason to separate out the singles and couples. At the same time, I don't want to be offensive or "discriminatory" towards singles. I just want to provide accurate, insightful information that is easy to find and access.

I'd really like some feedback on this! Thanks in advance!

14 comments:

Robbin said...

As a single, I think that separating the list would not be a good ideal. We are praying that there will be some changes and we will be grandfathered in like many of the other agencies have at this point. Perhaps adding a column for m/s will give ppl a clear understanding. We all rely so much on the list and appreciate your work with it, but we are ALL loving PAP's and we all jump around counting girls/ boys/ multiples without there being several list for that.


IMHO

Robbin

Jen said...

I think Robbin's suggestion of a separate column that would identify married or single is a great way to provide info and keep us as a group.

You are the best :)

Jim and Ryane said...

I think adding a column or putting a little * by the singles would work fine. Seeing the *'s would also be a little reminder to all the rest of us on the list to say a few extra prayers for Robbin and the other single ladies who would have been very close to referrals had the new law not been passed.

ryane

Catrina said...

Hi Grace. I am also a single PAP with Gladney. I appreciate all of your hard work with the FBI list, I wouldn't make those changes just yet. I agree with Robbin. I think, hope, and pray that there will be more changes in the near future regarding the singles. Other agencies have changed their policies with singles even after announcing the limit. Maybe Gladney will too.....we pray!

Nicole said...

Hello - I just stumbled across your blog tonight. I'm in the research process of single parent adoption and am looking for all the resources I can find. I'm so sad to to hear that another country is closing to single mothers :( I was just writing in my blog about that yesterday.

I think having a different page for singles and couples is a great idea!

Anonymous said...

how about putting in parenthesis next to their names "brave single woman!" ;)

los cazadores said...

I think it's very thoughtful of you to consider how separating singles from couples might be perceived. We look at your FBI list all the time and it has been a very useful tool. Thank you.

Cindy

Single PAP said...

you can take me off the list. i am no longer with gladney. :(

LoveNotes4CocoPrincess said...

IMHO, no, don't separate. Adding a reference marker (m /s) as stated by others sound more in harmony and tradition of the list. Thanks Grace for all that you do with the list!!!

Min said...

I like the idea of a some type of marker. I think it would be also great to add a page for travel dates and if the number of court attempts could be averaged at the bottom that would be super-duper. :) I know I'm reaching here...a girl can dream though, right?

Amber said...

oh my, I am very disappointed to hear this. Single people adoptions are very important and its another orphan in a forever family. I pray for God's hand to be on this.

Tami said...

Well...it is what it is. Continue the list and make distinctions. We knew it was going to be challenging when we started.

Sam said...

I think that what you did was great. do you think that you can do it on the court page too? because thats what we need to watch (to be sure that they make it thru because if they dont, they bump someone in the next group!)

Christine said...

I vote for the column indicating M or S.

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